Tabloid Column on November 20, 2006
The following is a portion of the weekly Editorial column of the tabloid editor known as Sandra Clark in this weeks Halls News. This obviously was meant to be comical and turned sick and twisted when on Monday it was reported that the nineteen year old man that attempted to rob Commissioner Lamberts at gunpoint, is the same young man that 10 hours prior is alleged to have murdered Dave Lindsey, a Walgreens truck driver less than 3 miles away from Commissioner Lambert's car lot.
The second disturbing point of the column is the disrespectful nature that is shown to a Congressman that has represented our community so well.
If the community desires to read comical, political discussion it can be found in any reputable Scripps owned publication in particular on Sundays.
It is called the Comics section.
COMMENTARY
Billy's Bad Dream
Editor's Note: I wish I had written this, but Ididn't. It was sent by a friend who has a real job and therefore shall remain nameless. Let's call it Billy's Bad Dream:
U.S. Rep. John J. Duncan Jr. (R-Knoxville) is being investigated by the Knox County Sheriff's Office for shooting Senator-elect Bob Corker in the hind quarters. Even though the incident occurred at a McDonald's Restaurant in the UT area, Sheriff Tim Hutchison has assumed jurisdiction. The Sheriff restated his belief that his agency serves all of Knox County and that he intends to investigate any occurrence that might wind up generating publicity.
A visibly shaken Duncan explained that he was shooting at Trent Lott and mistakenly hit Corker. "Trent was stealing Lamar's motorcycle and I was merely trying to recover it," said the longtime federal lawmaker. Duncan also said that he only drew his gun after Lott went for his own firearm.
"Sen. Lott took his arm and gun hand out to the side as he rode away," said Duncan, demonstrating the move as he continued explaining that "... I drew mine in the more proper fashion," pulling a pistol from his pocket and pointing it directly into the camera, scaring the beejeebus out of the camera operator.
Corker's wounds are not believed to be life threatening.
Outgoing Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, M.D., treated Corker at the scene.
"The bullet hit Bob right on the cheek of his butt," said Frist, who is expected to return to his medical practice as soon as his bid for the GOP presidential nomination is dead, probably sometime before Thanksgiving.
"If the stray shot had been about 8-10 inches higher, it would have struck Corker in the back of the head," said a slightly amused Sen. Lott.
Corker's remarks are not printable in a family paper. The Chattanoogan readily admitted that "he has a potty mouth whenever I am shot in the ass."
Tennessee Republican Party chair Bob Davis and Brian Hornback, Knox County GOP chair, issued a joint statement proclaiming that the shooting once again proves that the Republican Party takes the Second Amendment rights of all citizens very seriously.
"Duncan's brave act shows that local, state and federally elected Republicans share the belief that guns are an integral part of our society and that if Republicans are to regain control of the nation's destiny, a few more folks need to be shot."
Washington insider Tyler Harber could not be reached for comment, but Greg "Lumpy" Lambert believes Harber has additional information about this incident and plans to use Knox County Commission's newly recognized investigative powers to get to the bottom of it.
In the meantime, Lambert is rightfully proud that Duncan utilized the quick draw technique that Lambert recently taught him at a GOP retreat for candidates elected this year. The event was held in a phone booth.
Duncan is expected to be represented by well-known Knoxville attorney Herb Moncier who thinks he can have it his way, especially since both the gun used in the shooting and Duncan's back-up weapon belonged to state Sen. Tim Burchett. The senator commented on this story, but his mouth was so full of cookies that his speech was incoherent, which is not at all unusual under the best of circumstances, according to knowledgeable sources.
The second disturbing point of the column is the disrespectful nature that is shown to a Congressman that has represented our community so well.
If the community desires to read comical, political discussion it can be found in any reputable Scripps owned publication in particular on Sundays.
It is called the Comics section.
COMMENTARY
Billy's Bad Dream
Editor's Note: I wish I had written this, but Ididn't. It was sent by a friend who has a real job and therefore shall remain nameless. Let's call it Billy's Bad Dream:
U.S. Rep. John J. Duncan Jr. (R-Knoxville) is being investigated by the Knox County Sheriff's Office for shooting Senator-elect Bob Corker in the hind quarters. Even though the incident occurred at a McDonald's Restaurant in the UT area, Sheriff Tim Hutchison has assumed jurisdiction. The Sheriff restated his belief that his agency serves all of Knox County and that he intends to investigate any occurrence that might wind up generating publicity.
A visibly shaken Duncan explained that he was shooting at Trent Lott and mistakenly hit Corker. "Trent was stealing Lamar's motorcycle and I was merely trying to recover it," said the longtime federal lawmaker. Duncan also said that he only drew his gun after Lott went for his own firearm.
"Sen. Lott took his arm and gun hand out to the side as he rode away," said Duncan, demonstrating the move as he continued explaining that "... I drew mine in the more proper fashion," pulling a pistol from his pocket and pointing it directly into the camera, scaring the beejeebus out of the camera operator.
Corker's wounds are not believed to be life threatening.
Outgoing Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, M.D., treated Corker at the scene.
"The bullet hit Bob right on the cheek of his butt," said Frist, who is expected to return to his medical practice as soon as his bid for the GOP presidential nomination is dead, probably sometime before Thanksgiving.
"If the stray shot had been about 8-10 inches higher, it would have struck Corker in the back of the head," said a slightly amused Sen. Lott.
Corker's remarks are not printable in a family paper. The Chattanoogan readily admitted that "he has a potty mouth whenever I am shot in the ass."
Tennessee Republican Party chair Bob Davis and Brian Hornback, Knox County GOP chair, issued a joint statement proclaiming that the shooting once again proves that the Republican Party takes the Second Amendment rights of all citizens very seriously.
"Duncan's brave act shows that local, state and federally elected Republicans share the belief that guns are an integral part of our society and that if Republicans are to regain control of the nation's destiny, a few more folks need to be shot."
Washington insider Tyler Harber could not be reached for comment, but Greg "Lumpy" Lambert believes Harber has additional information about this incident and plans to use Knox County Commission's newly recognized investigative powers to get to the bottom of it.
In the meantime, Lambert is rightfully proud that Duncan utilized the quick draw technique that Lambert recently taught him at a GOP retreat for candidates elected this year. The event was held in a phone booth.
Duncan is expected to be represented by well-known Knoxville attorney Herb Moncier who thinks he can have it his way, especially since both the gun used in the shooting and Duncan's back-up weapon belonged to state Sen. Tim Burchett. The senator commented on this story, but his mouth was so full of cookies that his speech was incoherent, which is not at all unusual under the best of circumstances, according to knowledgeable sources.
posted by Brian Hornback at 10:56 AM
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